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Signs Your Boyfriend May Have Borderline Personality Disorder

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Boyfriend BPDAre you dating a man with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? BPD is diagnosed far more frequently in women than in men, which may give the false impression that it occurs far more frequently in women. In fact, men are less likely to seek BPD treatment and, when they do, are more likely to be misdiagnosed and ineffectively treated as a result.

Due to this disparity, most BPD literature focuses primarily on how the disorder manifests in women. With men, there are some important differences in how the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder are both acted out and interpreted by others, and you may not even realize that your boyfriend is displaying symptoms of BPD.

While an official diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder is always recommended, here are some signs that your boyfriend might have BPD.

Fear of Abandonment

The underlying issue in people with Borderline Personality Disorder is the same for men and women: a fear of abandonment, often caused by abuse or neglect experienced in childhood. In the beginning of your love relationship, your boyfriend may have made you feel that you had finally found a man who didn’t fear commitment and appreciated you for the wonderful woman that you are. He might have presented himself as sensitive, loving, and extremely attentive.

However, when he felt confident that he “had” you, his behavior may have changed drastically and suddenly the honeymoon and romance were replaced by constant conflict. Fear of abandonment is the root cause of him pushing you away: because he is sure you will leave him, he may feel the need to criticize and reject you. While he likely has strong feelings for you, his innate fear of abandonment may keep your relationship from progressing unless he gets BPD treatment.

Anger Issues

People with Borderline Personality Disorder may have outbursts of intense anger. Displays of aggression are interpreted in men differently from how they are perceived in women. When men rage, it is generally seen to be more acceptable than expressing the fear, depression, or insecurity they may actually be feeling.

Men are also more likely to express rage physically than women are. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t lay a hand on you (and let’s be clear that men with BPD do sometimes abuse their partners physically), if he acts out physically in other ways such as punching walls or kicking things when he is angry, this is a sign that his “anger issues” may be indicative of something far more complex.

Compulsive Behaviors

Addictions and substance abuse have been shown to be more prevalent in men with Borderline Personality Disorder than in women. Compulsive behaviors such as sex addiction and gambling may also be present along with other signs of Borderline Personality Disorder.

While compulsive behaviors are often problems on their own, they may be a sign of a more complex psychiatric disorder such as Borderline Personality Disorder.

There is something to be said for intuition as well. If you feel in your gut that something is very “off’ with your relationship and the ways your boyfriend reacts to seemingly benign incidents, trust those feelings and explore the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder further.Readingthrough a full description of BPD symptoms will surely ring bells if your boyfriend is suffering from it.


  1. Pingback: The Pros and Cons of Telling Someone They Have BPD | Borderline Personality Treatment

  2. I recently dated a guy who from the 1st meeting came on me too fast, and made me feel so good,
    with the time his excitement has died out,
    we still talked on the phone,
    we made plans every weekend to do something,
    after a month he called me few hours before we had to go away for a vacation and told me its over, and he isnt ready for relashionship.
    I didnt see it coming, it was so sudden.
    I missed some of the cues along the lines.

  3. I really would like to talk to someone just to get an idea I think I have borderline an my life has been a mess my whole life is there anyone I can ask questions too

  4. Borderline Personality Disorder Treatment

    Cody, if you would like a free consultation about treatment options, please call 1-866-337-3085 to speak with a BPD expert.

  5. The guy im seeing has decided to give me the silent treatment for no reason other than he thinks I’m a “lying bitch”. I haven’t done anything to cause his withdrawal. I feel confused and lost. He has no friends and has fallen out with his family because everyone “betrays” him, it’s never his fault. He has intense outbursts of anger over tiny things such as me cooking in a different way to him. I’m also seen as a bad person and he twists everything I say. Could this be BPD? He did have an abusive father when he was young.

    I need answers, help!

  6. I don’t know what kind of personality problem my ex- bf have , he told me he has a personality problem but he doesn’t elaborate it.
    We had been on a roller coaster ride for 7 years until something came up that because of our high emotions we both agree to break up.
    We broke up last March 2017. I am really devastated. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I cannot go on with my life without him even if our relationship was not that good.
    So, I decided to talk to him again, at first he doesn’t want to talk to me, He gave me a cold silent treatment. But after some time, he decided to talk to me and again, it stops.
    He told me we should not be talking like couples because we have decided to break up.
    He told me I can do whatever I want, and so the same for him.
    So, I went with my friends on a night life one day, but then he tries to call me. He actually called me twice on the phone telling me to come home .
    When I came home, he talks to me the whole time until the wee hours. I felt good.
    From then on, we started talking again, When i am telling him I love him he said, “don’t say that”..but when he is telling me that he loves me, i have to reply back …
    4 days ago, he told me we should lessen our talk again , he was going on a trip. He told me we are not together again, He told me he care and love me but he isn’t sure if he is in love with me.
    I am so confused. I don’t know what to do. Our break ups is but a normal thing though, but this time its longer.
    Now, he is giving me a silent and cold treatment again, What should I do?
    I love him so much. But i realized i lost myself in loving him. Shall i wait for him to come back? shall i message him?

  7. lynne edwards

    God! it can be so confusing having a boyfriend who blows hot and cold for no reason.
    I’m almost convinced my boyfriend has BPD, and I think his mother has it too.
    having a boyfriend with BPD is like walking around on egg shells when your with them.
    don’t get me wrong, I love the man to pieces…. underneath it all hes a good man and means well, but…..its hard work living with him. earlier this year I moved out, and that was like a breath of fresh air. the best thing to do with someone who has BPD is to keep them at arms length, its impossible to get too emotionally involved they will screw you up, then feel guilty at the way they treat you, then do it again. they cant help it. to be honest I think BPD should be brought out into the open so we can all have better understanding of it, and those who suffer from it can feel comfortable in reaching out and getting help.

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